A Preface about OCD
First off, I want to tell you that I never thought I would write a page like this, because I initially thought that I was just a little too wierd, and people without this DISEASE ( yes, it is a disease ) would think I was totally off my rocker. However, I've decided to do it now ( actually, redo it now ) because I have learned not to be ashamed of what is wrong with me, and I want to help others who are in the same boat, if I possibly can.
Let me start off by trying to tell you a little of what OCD is about. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain and in some cases, there have been findings of actual physical brain damage. OCD is known as the doubting disease, because it really can make you doubt just about everything in your life, and then some. I like what I read about it on one page, it said that the doubts are the LIES that OCD puts in your head - that's just what it does, fills your head full of lies, and makes you believe with all you have that the lies are true. People with OCD are constantly asking for reassurances that what they are thinking is not true. Also, many people with OCD have what we not-so-fondly call "bad thoughts".... thoughts that they have hit someone with a car ( this is a rather common one ), that they have or may physically harm someone, that they have committed some heinous crime that they have read about in the paper or heard about on tv.
Can you imagine having to live your life this way? Well, according to U.S. statistics, about 2 percent of the American population has to. Think of it folks, that's alot of people out there suffering - maybe a neighbor, a friend, or even a family member - and you might not even know about it. Thankfully, people with OCD do not have to suffer in silence. There are more and more support groups springing up out there, and there are prescription drugs that can help us - and as more research is done on the disease, more and more treatments are being developed all the time.
A bit of my personal story
I was first diagnosed with OCD when I was about 22 or 23 years old, and I'm 34 now - but if I look back, I can see the signs WAY BEFORE THEN. I always knew I was different somehow, but how could I know what was wrong at the time? As I said, I came into treatment at 22 or 23 .... I was anorexic and bulimic at the time, and I was also having thoughts and compulsions of killing people, something that came about after I read an article in the local newspaper about a serial killer. I don't know why my thoughts picked this particualar thought, but it did. Can you imagine how utterly terrifying that would be for you? ( Again, remember this is all about the lies in your head! ) Although a hospitalization and medication didn't do a whole lot for me at the time except make me look like a zombie ( I was WAY over medicated ), I was lucky enough to have this obsession go away after a major change of environment .... I count myself as VERY LUCKY.
I'm not going to bore you to death with all the sordid details of my disease, but I would just like to tell you a few more things. Over the course of my life, I have been hospitalized for my illness 4 times, and have had 3 suicide attempts. This is really not very uncommon for someone with my problem, and I couldn't tell you how many of us never make it back from those attempts. Though I still suffer in my own way, I am one of the lucky ones to have made it back. I am in treatment and I take medications, and I'm sure I'm much better off than I would be without them.
In conclusion, I want to remind people with my illness that there is help out there for you .... you don't have to suffer alone anymore! The first step may be going to your general practitioner and having a referal for a psychiatrist, medication and therapy. There are always friends and family to talk to, and rather fast growing community of us here on the Internet. Reach out, SOMEONE WILL TAKE YOUR HAND.
Well, those are all my rantings and ravings for now, but please come back and visit me soon, as I plan on making regular updates here ....
Peace be with you ........ :-))
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English language OCD and related links
German language OCD and related links
If anyone knows of any more links about OCD ( Zwangsstörungen ) that you think might work well on this page, please e-mail me or sign my guestbook and let me know!
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